Poor boy
how little you know
now
You call my name
without infliction
but awareness
would serve
you best
call me
The Minx
don’t call me
J___.
Dear ________,
I’ve been thinking about us lately (us, as in: how it used to be) and it bothers me. I declared myself well and truly over you months and months and months ago. It pains me to have these feelings resurface. Life is too short to spend harbouring feelings for an ex-lover. I wonder: why you? and why now?
I’m not bitter. I never was. I think the situation was far too sad to be classified anything other than a tragedy. I can admit now that I was naive. You called me ‘Beautiful Girl’ and I believed it to mean so much more. Was it stupid of me to interpret loyalty in your kind words? Did I read between the lines when all you meant to convey was flattery?
I could blame it on geography. We were in a hole to begin with: did we ever stand a chance? And if I met you today, in this city, in this new life: would we still be in that hole together?
After the ‘us’ came the clarity. I suppose I owe my thanks to you for this newfound perspective. Love is science. Our actions are that of our bodies. We are nothing more than animals. There is no such thing as commitment or monogomy. We lust so that we can breed. We are attracted to certain men because our genetic makeups tell us to be. We only pair up because it makes living easier.
But – with all this cynicism and perceived wisdom comes the question that throws it all back into chaos – why you? and why now?
The Minx
This hypocrisy
is getting the better
of me
Where once unseeing
unfeeling, uncaring
Could easily place
the blame
Driven by the
notion
that I was right
but now
I’m not so sure
I’m tired
and I don’t want
to be
that way
anymore.
Mercy!
Are you finished
Torturing me?
A lonely soul
knows all too well
the emptiness
can take its toll
And there you go
and fill me
with this casual
Affair
While all this
unfeeling, non-committal
nonchalance
sits, and festers
in the air.
Sunshine delivers
Disillusions
and a false sense
of security
that if there is
light
One cannot be alone
in the dark.
The bad man
Knows not
and these consequences
would never be
if I hadn’t let
the bad man
get to me.