My dear friend, did I tell you:
It reminds me of when
and a person I used to be
Sharing in the heartache.
I thought, back then
Too much, but not enough
To save my skin, when
My skin was burning
With rage.
He was nonchalant, non-committal
The anti boyfriend.
Taking all his pleasures
Without giving in his stride
Bruised arms and broken things
Yes, he was the guy.
I see his likes again
Kicking dust in your eyes
Stamping his mark
Your suffering heart, I’m sure
Turning to stone.
WAITING
For the reassure
You’ve heard so many times
Before this instance
Just another sad play
Your forgiving heart, I’m sure
Sweating it out, those tears
Solid state, solid stone
And here your version
Of my fuckwit ex-boyfriend
Hasn’t come home.
I never quite know how to feel
Whether to dig up the bones
Or leave them alone
Do I trust the romance enough
That you knew I was fertile ground
From the beginning
When ploughed
And got the dirt under your nails
Dead roots
Long gone, leafy love
That once was
And the crawling, crawling centipede
Over the unseeing eyesocket
Couldn’t know
The restless beneath
I’m not sold. This Grand Scheme. This Plan. I question destiny. I question reality. Because I’m not who I said I was. I’m not who I claim to be. You entrusted me with your vote. I misled you into believing. I was aware. I knew the consequences of my actions. I thought I could pull it off. I thought I could disguise. I never saw it as a lie. Only that which I thought I should be; the person you wanted me to be. Could I blame you for the encouragement? The judgement? Had you not wanted it for me, could I have gotten this far without wearing this identity? I question my place. I question your loyalty. Whatever will become of me?