Stiff fingers. Is it wrong to love the rain and hate the cold?
–
The unattainable I must appear or else you would have found me here.
–
Friendship is a free consultation.
–
This madness: my straight line In infinite sadness
–
I’m just a piece of meat on a silver plate. Something you’re bound to eat but never taste.
–
I am slowly getting over my drinking problem.
–
I am an imposter in this body.
–
I am the bad woman come to steal your man. Not because I want him: just because I can.
–
The lengths one goes to.
–
The rising sun spawns a thousand ideals.
–
Anticipation; will this goddamn train leave already?
–
Come out of the dark and howl at the moon.
–
I am playing with alter egos.
–
The single girl with her disposable income could go far in this place.
–
Good people and good business dealing ensure my return.
–
The sad song plays along. I find comfort in lyrics written for another.
–
This headache is more than I can take.
–
You give me that look: the melting kind.
–
My train hisses underneath. The air hums with electricity.
–
I’d like to read myself to you; like a book. Yes, it would be that easy.
It hits hard ; comes swooping in ; knocks me flat ; an awareness of MY ACTIONS ; I go hollow ; quiet and introspective ; out of character ; out of my mind ; need to scream it into my pillow ; need to bite down hard ; time is a wasting ; could be scrubbing ; could be scraping it away ; spores of my shame ; could be losing it.
I can put on the mask ; hide it away ; behind rolling dull eyes ; if I were to pretend ; but I don’t want to play ; the rules are unjust ; I stumble against walls ; my hands to my ears ; I turn my head to the side ; double standard ; sided knife ; why is it ; awareness of MY ACTIONS only comes after the fact?
This hypocrisy
is getting the better
of me
Where once unseeing
unfeeling, uncaring
Could easily place
the blame
Driven by the
notion
that I was right
but now
I’m not so sure
I’m tired
and I don’t want
to be
that way
anymore.
Mercy!
Are you finished
Torturing me?
A lonely soul
knows all too well
the emptiness
can take its toll
And there you go
and fill me
with this casual
Affair
While all this
unfeeling, non-committal
nonchalance
sits, and festers
in the air.
Sunshine delivers
Disillusions
and a false sense
of security
that if there is
light
One cannot be alone
in the dark.
The bad man
Knows not
and these consequences
would never be
if I hadn’t let
the bad man
get to me.