This Concludes

An explanation, of sorts; that you should understand my actions. I dare not say this to your face. Rejection motivates, but ultimately devastates. I never expected anything to come of it. The past is testament to that. The question: why now, if you didn’t back then?
It is the fear that without the facade of The Minx, I would be undesirable. And so I played it out, to you, to your friends. I bluff my commitment to the character I think you’d like me to be. Stupidly.
It was always you. My longing to belong; the fuel feeding this ridiculous campaign. Hoping that by exercising the sensual, sexual – I would earn your respect, affection, protection. Foolish. You’d think by now I would have known better.
You said, “You learn from your mistakes” … but I will not put hope into that phrase, because to me, it translates as you, giving me a chance to redeem myself. And as much as I’d like for you to look me over again, it would be almost self-destructive for me to believe you will. As I’ve said before: Rejection motivates but ultimately devastates.
And so I fade out. Attempt nothing. Go on with the day. A safe option. The smart thing to do.

Jesse Falk