The sensation is somewhat overwhelming –
I find myself, falling
into the promise of a kiss
run my fingers
over your lips
A lover’s tangle
hold you here
Your scent, on my skin
Bury you
Inside the warm
Safe, and in keeping
Boundless
In this embrace
My identity
Of our entity
Hurt in wanting
Aching
In making, this dream –
Take in this
Divinity
and empty your soul
in me.
On another note –
One with a sweeter tune
You’re sure to slice
Into the night
I contradict myself
Surely I am deserving
the right words
coming
from the right mouth
I want to kiss
and know that in doing
could complicate
But that’s a risk
I’m willing to take
To make fire
Something must burn
And I’m burning, baby
Come and get me.
An explanation, of sorts; that you should understand my actions. I dare not say this to your face. Rejection motivates, but ultimately devastates. I never expected anything to come of it. The past is testament to that. The question: why now, if you didn’t back then?
It is the fear that without the facade of The Minx, I would be undesirable. And so I played it out, to you, to your friends. I bluff my commitment to the character I think you’d like me to be. Stupidly.
It was always you. My longing to belong; the fuel feeding this ridiculous campaign. Hoping that by exercising the sensual, sexual – I would earn your respect, affection, protection. Foolish. You’d think by now I would have known better.
You said, “You learn from your mistakes” … but I will not put hope into that phrase, because to me, it translates as you, giving me a chance to redeem myself. And as much as I’d like for you to look me over again, it would be almost self-destructive for me to believe you will. As I’ve said before: Rejection motivates but ultimately devastates.
And so I fade out. Attempt nothing. Go on with the day. A safe option. The smart thing to do.